Sometimes it’s ok to ask for help.
Sweet friend, I see you. You are always caring for the needs of others so selflessly. How many people have you on speed dial in case of a crisis? They know that you always come all the way through. You are a ROCK STAR. So why is it so hard to ask for help for yourself?
For me, I know there is a bit of pride, ego, and perfectionism in there. There’s also a fear of rejection and a lack of healthy boundaries. You know you can handle your stuff, and you don’t want to ‘impose’ on anyone else. Sometimes, you just want things done your way because…perfectionism.
Modern culture seems to celebrate women who “do it all” and frown upon those who would love to do more with less. Comparison creeps in and steals our joy. The truth is that the women in your newsfeed who seem to have it all together and are so “super organized” HAVE HELP. 100%! And if they say they don’t, they’re probably fibbing! The only standard you need to hold yourself up to is your own.
Here’s what I have to constantly remind myself, “Just because I can do it all doesn’t mean I should.” Sometimes it’s ok to ask for help.
Asking for help builds character and confidence.
As a business owner, I’ve heard my mentors say over and over again, “Hire a team before you think you can afford it. Because without one, you’ll never grow your business to be able to afford it.”
Whether you’re a business owner or SAHM, the point is that the time to ask for help is before you are too overwhelmed to know where to begin. You don’t have to earn the right to ask for help and find balance in your life. Desiring to have a healthy harmony in your life is not asking too much, nor is it selfish. If admitting that you are feeling overwhelmed and crushed by the weight of responsibilities is painful, that is a sign that your boundaries need some firming up.
There’s no judgment here! I believe the majority of women struggle with this same issue. We see the need for help as a weakness. But what if the opposite were true? Asking for help builds character and confidence.
When I was just starting my business, I wore all the hats- managing everything from the graphics to the marketing and finance. I read books and invested in courses to learn how to do all the things. The idea of handing off ‘my baby’ to anyone else was a huge struggle. I wanted to be able to do it all myself. But something had to give.
When I finally pushed myself to release control of the things that a) were not my expertise and b) could be done by someone other than myself, I found incredible emotional peace. I took a leap of faith and asked for help. It was the best investment I ever made! I finally found the margin I needed in my life to focus on the things that only I could do.
There’s no award for being a super (exhausted) woman.
What resources do you already have available? Not all help requires a financial investment. I enlisted my family to help with things around the house. I mean, seriously, let’s share the equal opportunity, shall we? Once I was clear about my needs, expectations, and why it was important to me, we found a way to balance the workload around the house. As a result, I was happier, more present, and everyone in the household benefitted. Don’t be afraid to speak up. There’s no award for being a super (exhausted) woman.
Surrounding yourself with battle buddies is also vital. I have a small circle of prayer partners and mastermind groups who hold me accountable and help me troubleshoot problems. I actively seek out women with complementary strengths to collaborate with, and we have double the fun and success!
The same approach applies regardless of your goals.
Ask for help:
- Are you trying to build new healthy habits? Find an accountability partner with similar goals – you both win!
- Are you starting a new business venture? Join a network of entrepreneurs and learn from those who are more experienced.
- Need a break to get away for a few hours and think? Trade favors with friends. Find 1-2 other families that you can create a coordinated child care share to help each other out.
- In a crunch to get errands done? Try using services like Insta-Cart, grub hub, or Amazon Prime! Especially since Covid, there are so many new delivery options. Order online and save yourself time!
Lack of time or money is not an excuse.
It’s so easy to push off starting a new habit or goal because we don’t have the time or the money. At least that’s the story we tell ourselves. What about the cost of living in a chronically overextended state? Where will you find yourself in 10 years if nothing changes? The truth is, there will never be a “perfect” time.
Take a step back, zoom out, and think outside the box. What are the tasks that only you can do, and what can you delegate to others? If money is tight, who could you reach out to and create a mutually beneficial trade? What untapped resources do you already have available? Is there anything on your plate that you really don’t need?
Finding clarity about what matters most will clarify what does not. Ask yourself better questions about where you can best invest your time and energy. Delegate those important things but can be done by others, and get rid of the rest. This process takes courage – courage to let go of our perfectionist mindset. But your peace on the other side is glorious!
What is one thing you can ask for help with today?
If you’re looking for some helpful resources, here’s a couple of my favorites:
The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands by Lysa Terkeurst
Related article: The Power of Community