Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a very positive person. I try to always remember that no matter what the storm, there is always JOY in the morning. Every day is a new opportunity to grow and be better. I get knocked down, but I’m never out!
Encouragement is my spiritual gift and I love to give others words of affirmation. I can’t imagine being any other way! So when I am faced with an antagonistic situation, I just have NO WORDS. I am paralyzed, trying to process what is happening. I cannot fathom acting that way and I have no idea how to handle it. Then, I get mad at myself for not being able to defend myself. Ugh! Anyone else like that? Maybe it’s an introvert thing?
I had NO WORDS
Recently, I had a “NO WORDS” kind of situation. It hit me really hard. I am so grateful for friends and family who speak life and love to me, even when I am a hot mess. Once I was cried out and prayed up, I sat down to journal my thoughts. I’m not a trained counselor, but I do read a lot! The following process helped me so much. If you struggle like me, I hope this will help you:
WRITE IT OUT
Sit down, pen on paper or laptop and just write everything on your mind. Don’t self-edit. Pour it all out until you have wrung out all the words in your head and feel a sense of relief.
WHAT AM I FEELING RIGHT NOW?
Ask yourself what you are feeling at the moment. Is it anger? Sadness? Frustration? Disappointment? After you identify the first emotion, ask what is behind that feeling. “What is behind my anger?” Keep asking and digging down 3-5 levels until you get to the REAL root of your feelings. Most of the time, at least for me, it comes down to feelings of being rejected, unloved, or unworthy
WHAT IS THE TRUTH?
Next, ask yourself, what the Truth is about this situation. There is always a little truth in every disagreement. Own what is yours. What can you change/improve upon in your character? Then ask about the limiting feelings you are experiencing. Am I really unloved? Unworthy? (Hint: the answer is NO. You are always worthy, loved, and a treasure in God’s eye)
WHAT DO I WANT?
Now that you have taken ownership of what you can change and identified the root of your feelings, what do you want to come of this situation? How would you like to see it resolved? No vengeance scenarios here. You have to get clear about how you want this to play out and find peace for all parties involved. Yes, you have to resolve it or else you will carry a bitter root which will eventually poison all areas of life.
HOW CAN I TURN THIS INTO A POSITIVE?
You have the power to use this situation as the fulcrum to take massive action towards something new, no matter how much pain you are experiencing. Set a date to accomplish it by and create a plan. Listen to an empowering podcast or YouTube video. Get fired up about how this situation will make you better. You must find a way to change your perspective and feel empowered, rather than defeated.
For me, I made a BHAG (big hairy a$$ goal) before the end of the day. I set a date on it and told the people closest to me about it, so they can hold me accountable. I am going to make a HUGE countdown calendar for my wall, as a reminder every day to keep taking steps towards it. I’m also meeting with someone who can give me some practical, measurable steps and will make a plan for success.
It really sucks to be hurt, offended, or stepped-on. There’s no more eloquent way to say it. We don’t have control over the way others act and so it’s bound to happen. However, we have POWER in how we choose to react. Take that negative situation and use it as fuel to up your game. And remember: No one, NO ONE can steal your joy!